Horatio Magellan Crunch is just the tip of the iceberg.
Some of the most seemingly innocent facts we never even think to question were in fact originally churned out by the propaganda machine.
People have been getting loaded ever since Julius Wine ate all those bad grapes, and we're mostly OK with it. But prescription opioid painkillers, our latest drug epidemic, is a different beast entirely.
Disasters ruin people's lives. It's pretty much the only thing they do.
Schadenfreude or life lessons: Take your pick.
Sometimes a product fails because everybody in charge of the launch was criminally inept, fist-eatingly crazy, chemically stupid, or all of the above.
Effort takes effort, and who the heck needs that?
Every positive action feels like trying to stop a forest fire with a water balloon.
Soon Disney will rule all media with a white-gloved iron fist.
Dear Mom, your pants are super on fire.
You'd think that at this point in history, we'd be semi-competent at good old-fashioned diplomacy.
This should be known as The Hasselhoff Effect.
The good news is, you can now correct other people about this stuff.
Can you imagine anything sadder than a clinically depressed eight-year-old?
Here are some of the bonkers ideas that misguided geniuses have come up with to save us all (even if they had to kill every last one of us to do it).