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Real Name: Pauli Poisuo
Member Since: September 25th, 2008
Columnist, editor, general squeaky cog in the Cracked machine. Just pronounce it the way you want. I'm not your dad, I can't tell you what to do.
Hit me up:
Let your minions rejoice as you reveal to them your new base of operations, completely empty and ready for mayhem.
If something from your kitchen makes you sick, would you ever think to blame the grocery store? You should.
It turns out that many of the 'knockoff' brands we've scoffed at in the supermarket were there before the more famous, million-dollar 'original' product ... that totally stole their idea.
Apparently, rock stars who actually had serious careers going before the whole music thing panned out, and some of them are rather mind-blowing.
Considering that booze is one of the pillars of human civilization, it's kind of shocking how little we know about it.
It's weird: Much of what is going on inside our own bodies is still a complete mystery to us. And the theories as to why we do some of these things are downright bizarre.
The food you buy has nothing to do with what it says on the label.
We don't expect our craziest urban legends to exist for good reasons, but we do at least expect their origins to be mysterious. If you can just point to the guy who made up the crazy story in the first place, what are we doing here?
Humans are hard-wired to function in groups. But it's a double-edged sword -- it takes a lot of us to build a city, but as anyone who has ever witnessed a riot can attest, people's ability to act like idiots also multiplies in crowds. And this phenomenon can manifest itself in really weird and even fatal ways.
The news cycle tends to operate with the attention span of a coked-up fruit fly.
For everyone hoping their jerk boss gets what they deserve, don't worry, science says that they absolutely will.
Prepare to just perpetually smell like soggy butt all the time.
Despite our seemingly impenetrable knowledge of how to catch cheats, the most ridiculous scams often go undetected for a ludicrously long time.
Some days, the universe gets high and randomly decides to turn reality into a 1980s action flick.
Modern Nazis won't be goose-stepping across the country in groups of millions in the foreseeable future.
Obligatory disclaimer: The following article is NSFW as balls.
Space might think of itself as a final frontier, but for boundless human ingenuity, it's just another hurdle to insanity-scream our way over.
While we here at Cracked are not particularly fond of laws, there are some we absolutely should steal from other countries.