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Real Name: Robert Brockway
Member Since: October 1st, 2007
Robert Brockway is a Senior Editor and columnist for Cracked.com. He is the author of The Unnoticeables from Tor Books (released July 7th, 2015), the cyberpunk novel Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity, and the comedic non-fiction essay collection Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead. He lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife Meagan and their two dogs, Detectives Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh. He has been known, on occasion, to have a beard.
You can find more from Robert on his own site, http://www.robertbrockway.net.
Cracked is a genie, and it is here to grant you an arbitrary number of wishes, depending on its mood and how drunk you get it before asking.
As long as there are wheels to spin and jet engines to slap on things that should not have jet engines, mankind's irrepressible need to go ungodly speeds while looking completely ludicrous shall not be sated.
Sometimes reality grabs fiction by the throat and drags it screaming down the highway before hitting a conveniently placed ramp, ramming through a gas tanker, and careening -- airborne and aflame -- into the white house.
The people that take the abstract concepts of art and the concrete realities of science and mix them together are just as crazy as you'd expect.
Here's a sample of Robert Brockway's, Cracked editor and columnist, new book in which he details how the planet almost died for the sake of a new brand of booze.
If only these free-thinkers had lived. America would be so awesome.
The little guy has been increasingly making huge media companies his prison-wench thanks to the two most dangerous things in existence: Boredom and knowing how to use the internet.
You've got the exact same essential plan as everybody else: go raid the gun store, get out of the cities as fast as possible, find a sturdy base to fortify and hole up in, use a melee weapon whenever possible to conserve ammo and--if the worst does come to pass and you find yourself facing down a crowd of the undead--take your time, aim carefully a
If you have the patience, the persistence, and a blatant disregard for the inherent value of your own time, 'Destiny' actually has one of the best stories in gaming.
Instead of dropkicking Super Mutants into frag mines, I'm spending my apocalypse scrounging materials to build the perfect armchair for my dining set.
I take intelligent criticism to heart, but I even try to find value in the ... less than brilliant stuff that is so prevalent here on the Internet. And I think I can help everybody do the same.
So, here it is -- the day I never thought would come. But please believe me when I say: I am sorry, Mario Lopez.
This particular theory pertains to two things that are very near and dear to me: Horror movies, and your genitalia.
Ladies, I realize this might be a hard article to relate to, but if it helps, you can pretend I'm talking about the volvo or the lamia. (I don't know a lot about biology. Or women.)