Will Delivery Drones Melt The Minds Of Florida Seniors?

There's a massive retirement community in Central Florida called The Villages. If it ever shut down, pharmaceutical company stocks would plummet as traders lamented the loss of the sprawling city that eats bowls of Celebrex with milk for breakfast. They can't lose these customers before the natural flow of life does the work for them, so amid the coronavirus pandemic, CVS Pharmacy and UPS have teamed up to get the community all the medicine they need by delivering it via drone starting in May.

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Grandma and grandpa will not take well to this. They regularly publish Google search queries as Facebook status updates and send their adult kids up to four accidental video calls a day that they'll deny having made. They will shit themselves so hard upon first sight of a robot helicopter dropping off a bag of drugs that it'll rocket propel them high enough to whack the thing with a cane before it makes landfall.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY 'AH,' CITIZEN!Pixabay"OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY 'AH,' CITIZEN!"

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At first, the drones will depart from a location less than a half-mile away from the first and only private community to smell like Werther's Originals and soggy Depends from end to end. The small flight distance is probably there to cut down on the risks of the journey. What they've failed to take into account is that in Central Florida, you can't go a half a mile in any direction without encountering someone happy to shoot down a drone they suspect is spying on their cocaine-stuffed gator smuggling operation. Some might even consider them flying drug loot boxes. You might hit the motherlode with some poor old lady's oxycodone or strike out with a bottle of bladder control meds. Unless this is intended to be a flying drug pinata service, half the medications will never make it to their final destinations.

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Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Catch him on the "In Broad Daylight" podcast with Cracked alums Adam Tod Brown and Ian Fortey! Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. Listen to the first episode on Youtube!

Top Image: geralt/Pixabay

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